Drag me down

Depression actually takes something from you and you can never take it back no matter how hard you try.

In my case, I kinda lost some of my friends and my ability to talk to them like we used to. This depression created a gap in our relationship that I've been trying to fill but I can't. No one knows because no one will understand. It's not an underestimation, but it's a way of keeping myself safe. This sad life I'm leading, I hope it doesn't last long.

Looking back

When I started this blog almost three years ago as an outlet for all of my negative emotions, I never thought I would have gotten better and would have gotten this far. But here I am, and I've had a lot of accomplishments since then. Sure, I do get the occasional mood swings and relapses but I get through them. I learned how to handle the things that make me sad -- from school to friends to random, nonsense stuff. I learned how to not get the simplest of things get to me. I learned to control my emotions. I surrounded myself with good people and burned bridges for the bad ones. Yes, I still make mistakes, some of them I am really not proud of. But mistakes are mistakes, I just need to make them right. The bottomline is I learned to not give a fuck and make a big fuss about every single negative thing. I've grown a lot emotionally and I hope to God this would be, indeed, for the better. 

you

I caught this sadness like a cold
How do you end this
I need my medicine
But you're my medicine
Yet you are also the cold
Will i ever be cured by this sickness called
"y o u"

was it worth it

it's sad how you unintentionally hurt people

but i never meant to hurt you

i did not choose to hurt you

i never wanted to hurt you

but it can't be helped

there's nothing i can do to not hurt you

is it worth it

is it worth hurting you

is the pain worth it

am i worth the pain

the pain, the hurt

that you had no plan of getting rid of

am i worth it

i don't think so

i am not worth the pain

Hi. I'm that sad little bitch with take-out and alcohol. And I can't change this fucking font to Verdana.

I'm so tired of telling myself that I am strong when I know, deep down, that I'm not.

je souhaite

i wish i could see the world through your eyes
how do you view everything?
how do you find joy in the littlest things?
how do you smile so genuinely despite every wrong thing in this world?
i wish i could have a glimpse of your perspective
how do you believe in love?
how do you gain faith when you do not have much in your hands?
i wish i could know the reason behind those bright eyes
how do you tirelessly shine when everything else is in darkness?
i wish i could be like you -- grounded, dedicated and beautiful
is He the one behind this?
i wish i could meet Him, get close to Him
i would be delighted to
i don't aim for perfection, nor to be exactly like you
i know we have our flaws, but it's worth a shot, right?
i wish i could. i really wish i could.