je souhaite

i wish i could see the world through your eyes
how do you view everything?
how do you find joy in the littlest things?
how do you smile so genuinely despite every wrong thing in this world?
i wish i could have a glimpse of your perspective
how do you believe in love?
how do you gain faith when you do not have much in your hands?
i wish i could know the reason behind those bright eyes
how do you tirelessly shine when everything else is in darkness?
i wish i could be like you -- grounded, dedicated and beautiful
is He the one behind this?
i wish i could meet Him, get close to Him
i would be delighted to
i don't aim for perfection, nor to be exactly like you
i know we have our flaws, but it's worth a shot, right?
i wish i could. i really wish i could.

just life updates after first semester?

....aaand first semester 2014-2015 is officially done. Luckily, I passed all of my subjects and next month, I'm going to start my last semester in college. It's exciting and sad at the same time. I just don't want to face all these adult stuff yet. 

But, my second to the last semester was a blast. ;D This sem was so fun because I get to spend much of it with my close friends and boyfriend and I kinda did well on my subjects. Though I haven't been to any concerts this sem except for Issues show at the start of the semester, it was still a very happy semester. I just love my friends and bf (and my subjects as well). I'm just so stoked to take a rest and chill for this Christmas break. 

And I'm also stoked for 2015 because dang, so many concerts! I'm going to see The 1975 before the semester starts and I'm going to see Ed Sheeran on my birthday! God, life's awesome! ;D

never

late night conversations
2am gentle breeze
caresses your skins

soft laughs
glowing eyes
low murmurs
and meaningful stares

why can't this be us

this could have been us

but it's not.

and it will never be.
i'm not her.
and i will never be.

(is sorry with a comma or not)

sorry, i'm an idiot for letting you slip away.

sorry, i'm too scared to take chances.

sorry, i'm jealous of the fact that you like her now.

sorry, i'm not a thousand times better than she is.

overthinking

it just dawned on me that this will (hopefully) be my last year in college. and several questions sprung out of my beautiful mind. 

"am i ready for this?"

"have i really experienced everything i needed to experience during college?"

"will everything be worth it?" 

"did i miss anything?"

"have i done everything from my imaginary bucket list?" (the answer to this question is, i think, no.)

"will i really graduate?"

"why am i still a lazy ass?"

"did i learn everything i need to learn from my degree?"

"will everything i learned be sufficient to land me a decent job after graduation and passing the board?"

"will i pass the board exams?"

""what happens next?"

"can i face reality?"


i know, i'm overthinking and getting anxious, yet again. but it's the reality that i have to face every single day. every day that passes by, means a step closer to graduation. and i honestly felt like everything i have learned for the past 4 years  up to the present is not enough to prepare me for the rest of my life. yes, i'm just overthinking because fuck studying and upcoming exams.