giving up

why is giving up the only option i have when things don't go right? maybe i've never been strong at all. it was all just an illusion; lies that i tell myself to make me feel better. life puts me through a lot of bullshit and i just can't handle it all. i hate feeling so helpless and hopeless. i don't know how to pick myself up. giving up would be easier -- saves me all the trouble of getting up and going through the same shits all over again. i don't know. i'm still stuck in the middle. i will always be here, thinking of moving up or going down, left or right. nothing could save me right now.

Nothing’s going right; eveything’s going downhill. It’s catching up with me; I can feel it behind my back. I’m too scared to end it, yet too scared to go on. I’m hanging in the middle of nothingness, crying, hoping for salvation. I find no point in doing anything. Everything hurts on the inside. I’m drowning in my loneliness. One hand’s up, seeking for your help, yet no one seems to see me. No one seems to hear me. No one seems to feel me. I am nothing. I am not going right. Just let me drown this time, perhaps, this would be better. It’s beside me now, embracing me, telling me it will not be alright. I’m always going to be in the middle, hanging to whatever piece of hope I could get.