new blog title

my new blog title is from Tonight Alive's song, Wasting Away. love that song. and it just, idk, it fits me at the moment ;D



EDIT: obviously i've changed my blog title as of now (march 2014)

Two days

I am two days away from meeting my heroes. No, they don't fly but they do sing and they save people's lives all the same. After all the frustrations and panic and sweat for three months, here I am, (not quite) ready to meet the people behind the music that has been with me in the lowest points of my life. As cliche as it may sound, music is my escape -- escape from school, from pressure, from problems, from the world, from this harsh reality. Their songs tell me that everything will be okay, and they speak to me in a way that no one else can. They've been with me when none of my friends ever did. Their music kept me sane. And it's just that, it feels like there is a special connection between me and their songs. I am so excited to meet them and thank them for their music. I feel like they have been my friends even if I haven't seen them personally yet. I know, I sound like a typical fangirl, but hey, what I am really saying is true and that is what I really feel. So yeah, BRF weekend, I'm coming :---)

it's not the way you plan it, it's how you make it happen

Too many plans, too many dreams. I can't seem to make them happen. It's frustrating. I've laid out my plans, yet i don't have the guts to materialize them. I want to do this, I want to do that, I want to do him (okay, kidding) but it's all just a bouquet of words -- words without actions. I am always left with this hard decision of whether I follow my dreams or I stick to the conventional. I always think of the pros and cons of my actions -- would it benefit me, or disfavor me? I would think, what would my parents' or friends' reaction be if I do this or stop doing this? What if everything would fail and I would be left with nothing? It's always a matter of thinking. Maybe I do tend to overthink every detail, and that's what sets me back from following my dreams and plans. Maybe it's this fear that I am nurturing inside me that hinders me from doing everything. It's this fear of trying and then failing that separates me and my dreams. Perhaps, it's time to let this fear go, stop overthinking, and just do what I want to? Yes, these are words again. Words I'm afraid I could not live by. I should just take these baby steps, do one thing at a time, until I reach my dreams. One day, I'm gonna make this happen. 

giving up

why is giving up the only option i have when things don't go right? maybe i've never been strong at all. it was all just an illusion; lies that i tell myself to make me feel better. life puts me through a lot of bullshit and i just can't handle it all. i hate feeling so helpless and hopeless. i don't know how to pick myself up. giving up would be easier -- saves me all the trouble of getting up and going through the same shits all over again. i don't know. i'm still stuck in the middle. i will always be here, thinking of moving up or going down, left or right. nothing could save me right now.

Nothing’s going right; eveything’s going downhill. It’s catching up with me; I can feel it behind my back. I’m too scared to end it, yet too scared to go on. I’m hanging in the middle of nothingness, crying, hoping for salvation. I find no point in doing anything. Everything hurts on the inside. I’m drowning in my loneliness. One hand’s up, seeking for your help, yet no one seems to see me. No one seems to hear me. No one seems to feel me. I am nothing. I am not going right. Just let me drown this time, perhaps, this would be better. It’s beside me now, embracing me, telling me it will not be alright. I’m always going to be in the middle, hanging to whatever piece of hope I could get.