Beat me

Beat me.

This is something that my anxiety would say to me. TBH, this tag game with anxiety is getting too tiring. One day, it just pops out of nowhere saying "tag, you're it," and surprise, surprise, anxiety caught me. Haha. It won't let me live until i beat it. BUT IT KEEPS ON COMING BACK. It keeps on coming back.

My life is changing and maybe I'm just in denial that such is happening. I'm too afraid of changes. Fuck it, I'm weak. Maybe this is why my buddy here keeps on coming back, wanting to play. I hope you get tired of it because I am. 

(Un)Lost

I thought that if I would make it, I'd be fine. Sure, I'm ecstatic as fuck. Heck, I've been dreaming of this moment for so long. Then why

Why do I still feel empty

Why do I still feel lost

What to do

Where to go

From  h e r e

Some days

Some days, I feel good as fuck.

Some days, I just want to cry my eyes out.

Some days, I just don't give a shit.

Drag me down

Depression actually takes something from you and you can never take it back no matter how hard you try.

In my case, I kinda lost some of my friends and my ability to talk to them like we used to. This depression created a gap in our relationship that I've been trying to fill but I can't. No one knows because no one will understand. It's not an underestimation, but it's a way of keeping myself safe. This sad life I'm leading, I hope it doesn't last long.

Looking back

When I started this blog almost three years ago as an outlet for all of my negative emotions, I never thought I would have gotten better and would have gotten this far. But here I am, and I've had a lot of accomplishments since then. Sure, I do get the occasional mood swings and relapses but I get through them. I learned how to handle the things that make me sad -- from school to friends to random, nonsense stuff. I learned how to not get the simplest of things get to me. I learned to control my emotions. I surrounded myself with good people and burned bridges for the bad ones. Yes, I still make mistakes, some of them I am really not proud of. But mistakes are mistakes, I just need to make them right. The bottomline is I learned to not give a fuck and make a big fuss about every single negative thing. I've grown a lot emotionally and I hope to God this would be, indeed, for the better.