idonthaveanappropriatetitleforthispost

sometimes, you have to admit to yourself that you are not okay; that you are not happy. the next thing to do now is, find what the problem is.

i'm sick of pretending that everything's all right. i know it isn't. something isn't. and what frustrates me is that i don't know what that is. maybe i do know deep inside, i just don't want myself to know what that is. i know, it's confusing, and i hate it. i hate how i feel every negative emotion every time i'm alone. i hate how i breakdown when no one is around. i hate how this table i'm using turns into a pool of tears. i'm honestly sick of feeling this way. i have no idea what to do, or where to go from here. i want to convince myself that i am happy, but these tears at the end of the day tell me that i'm not.

why me

Why do I push away someone who likes me? Why does he like me, anyway? First off, I am not really romantically likeable. I don't have the physical qualities wherein a guy should be attracted to. I am not that pretty nor have the best attitude. I act like a bitch sometimes, and I can get mean, too. Maybe you're wondering why am I focusing on my negative sides rather than the positive ones. Well, those are easier to point out. Next, when someone tells me they like me, I just don't want to believe them anymore. This is because of the first reason, and also because guys are jerks. They let you believe that they like you, then after some time, they're gonna tell you that they were not that serious about it or they just disappear and never have connections with you again. Seriously, I could make a list of guys who did that to me under those two classifications. And during those moments, I am always on the losing end because I believed them. Haha. Stupid. So yeah, I don't know why I made this post. I guess I just want to say these things.