temporary bliss

These past few weeks (after the January 6 incident), I've been busy elated. :-) Sure, the anxiety and stress will always be there, but these things are under control now. I still get frustrated at times but I try to battle them out. I won't get anywhere with freaking out at every little thing so I try my hardest to not do this. I distract myself to avoid getting anxious and hey, I guess it's a mind over matter kind of thing, I could actually do it. In fact, this January was a whole lot better than last year. :-)

Acads-wise, I don't know. It's a mixture of a little bit fucked up and okay. Hope this semester will bring good news in the end, though :-) 

Moreover, today (January 25th) marks the 5th month since the Bazooka Rocks Festival. Feels all over again. Haha. 

I just had the free time to write a post this week because I have no upcoming exams the next week :)

what even

whatever fucking happened to january 6. i do not know. i just wanna be happy. 

idonthaveanappropriatetitleforthispost

sometimes, you have to admit to yourself that you are not okay; that you are not happy. the next thing to do now is, find what the problem is.

i'm sick of pretending that everything's all right. i know it isn't. something isn't. and what frustrates me is that i don't know what that is. maybe i do know deep inside, i just don't want myself to know what that is. i know, it's confusing, and i hate it. i hate how i feel every negative emotion every time i'm alone. i hate how i breakdown when no one is around. i hate how this table i'm using turns into a pool of tears. i'm honestly sick of feeling this way. i have no idea what to do, or where to go from here. i want to convince myself that i am happy, but these tears at the end of the day tell me that i'm not.

memorable moments this 2013 :D

Just like last year, I'm going to list down my 10 most memorable moments for this year. I'd say this year was awesome, probably better than last year. I've been good and bad, happy and sad, but in the end, all the experience was worth it :D


10. April 8, 2013 
     This day was the roller coaster of the year. Haha. I remember clearly how my day started so bad because of my problem, and I still had a final exam later in the morning. I can't really say what exactly happened, but it was hell. I hope I won't go through that again next year.
      Later that day (some time in the afternoon), my soon-to-be boyfriend in a few minutes visited me, and he made everything better by asking me to be his girlfriend. I've liked him for some time then, so it was quite easy to say yes. :) He had a few presents for me, including a chocolate so melted because of the summer heat. Haha. I appreciated his presents a lot. And all my anxiety during the morning was gone. :)

9. Christmas eve
     It was the first time we spent Christmas eve away from home. We went to our relative's home and we get to spend it there together. There was a photo booth and a lot of pictures were taken, and my cousins and I enjoyed it so much. Haha. There were lots of drinks and foods and stories as well. It was actually nice to spend Christmas eve this way. :)

8. Acads
     This had it's ups and downs, but, during the latter part of the year, this was the better part. Don't get me wrong, I love learning new stuff and I'm not all that high and mighty when it comes to academics, but finally feeling industrious again this second semester feels good. Maybe because I'm learning all new stuff from my major, and it's interesting. :)
     Also, the last part of the first semester was quite fun despite all those loads of schoolwork and projects. It was awesome brainstorming and getting to work with my brilliant classmates/groupmates. The downside is I really missed proper sleep. A LOT. :---)

7. Opening up to more music
     Because of my bf and twitter friends, I got the chance to listen to a lot of new and cool stuff from different bands and artists. I can't find any other words to say about this but I'm definitely glad that my iTunes contains over a thousand songs.

6. Hangout with HS friends last sembreak
     Well, at least we get to meet at least once every year. There were almost 20 of us who gathered and just enjoyed each other's company. It was a very fun hang out. We ate at Shakey's, strolled inside the mall then played at Quantum. Of course, we exchanged a lot of stories since we need a lot of catching up to do. :)

5. Meeting BForce and other fangirl friends (haha)
     Well honestly, I love BForce to bits and they just make me so happy. Haha. We all have something in common (hey, Mr. Jack Barakat) plus everyone's got their own sense of humor. Ily gurls.
     And to everyone else who helped me get to where I am... (what!?)
     And for every fangirl/boy I have met over the internet, damn, they're awesome. Stay awesome and hope I to see some of them on other concerts :)
     This also goes out to my elbi fangirl friends. You know who you are :--)

4. When Jack Barakat replied to my tweet
     Oh come on, who wouldn't be overly delighted to have Jack reply a full sentence to you?? Sorry but I'm just so happy okay. It's okay for a girl to be happy about this kind of things. ;D
See Jack's tweet here :D :D :D

3. Paramore concert (February 15, 2013)
     I missed them last 2010, but not this time. :D Hearing one of my all time favorite band live was really an amazing moment. Hayley's voice is just so perfect, the whole band is perfect, not to mention I'm surrounded by tens of thousands of people loving the same music as I do. 
And nope. I will not get a Gen Ad seat again because fuck vertigo.

2. Bazooka Rocks weekend (August 24-25,2013)
     BEST. WEEKEND. EVER. Met and hugged my fave bands especially Tonight Alive and All Time Low. I freakin' hugged them!!!! *fangirl moment* And of course, that wouldn't be possible without those hundreds of people whom I bothered and nagged to vote for my entry on MOA's contest for that M&G. To all of those people, I send you all my love and my deepest gratitude :-)
     Of course, the concert itself was rad!!!! 14 hours of awesome live music from more than 10 different bands, being surrounded by people who have the same passion and love for music as I do, and seeing my fave bands next to the person I love is beyond perfect. Plus, booze and foods and random booths is more than I could ask for. It was the best 3k something I've ever spent, and it was definitely well-spent!

1. P :-)
     We started the year together (well, we still weren't together at the start of the year but you get the idea) and I'm glad we're ending it together, as well. I honestly don't know what I'd be, or where I'd be if he wouldn't be in my life right now. He's the best thing that ever happened to me this year. He's my Jack Barakat, my best friend, my concert buddy, my pillow and the love of my life. I don't wanna get cheesy anymore so I'll just say that I really love him. :-)
Well, that's one to cross off this list :-)


---
I really want to thank God for giving me such a great year, a lot of experiences and a good boyfriend. I wanna thank my family and all my friends, because heck, my 2013 would be incomplete without you. I also wanna thank bands for existing and creating music. I wanna thank whoever created twitter because I made quite some friends over twitter, ya know. Well, going back to the topic, I know every good and bad thing that I encountered this year only adds up to my list of awesome experience. :-)

Unmaterialized

I have a lot of thoughts that I could not put into words.

I feel like this makes me less intelligent.

And is actually frustrating.