memorable moments this 2012 :D

Since 2012 is ending, I just want to recall the 10 most memorable moments I had this year :D

10. That one day with d.

     Some time during the sembreak, I went out with d to elbi. Just as friends. Hang out lang naman saka nagcheck ng grades. Kuntento na ko sa ganon kami. I’m happy na we’re friends and moments like these are just so cute. :)

9. Swimming last May with high school classmates

     Fun fun fun dahil bonding to with high school classmates tapos overnight swimming pa. Just a little get-together in the middle of the year :D

8. Nung panahong halos na-exempt ako sa lahat ng final exams.

     Nung 1^st sem AY 2012-2013 ‘to. Sorry kung medyo mayabang ang dating pero I am proud of my achievements. Chos. I know I did my best on those subjects, and obviously, nag-pay off naman yung efforts ko dahil yung mga subjects na may exemption for finals ay naexempt ako. I satisfied the requirements for exemption kaya ganon. Haha. Isang subject lang ako hindi na-exempt and I just needed 0.01 in my grade para maexempt. You do not know how pissed I was with that. Hahaha.

7. Girls’ night out with VGmates.

     This happened last March as a sem-ender for us VGmates. We attended worship night (really feels good to thank God for all the blessings we had that semester :D)then had an overnight at our VGmates’ apartment. There were surprise cakes for the birthday celebrants for the past months(kasama ako haha) tapos movie marathon lang. I remember that night, muntik na ko magremovals sa onse non dahil ang final grade ko sa onse ay 60 point something na lang. Wewwww. Anywaaay, that night was so fun :)

6. 3 days straight of bonding with friends.

     Ngayong Christmas break lang ‘to. First day was with high school classmates. Birthday kasi ng isa naming classmate so we went to his house to have some videoke time and eaaaat! Haha. It was craaaazy and so fun :D Second day was with close friends. My friend and I made a cover of a Selena Gomez song for her project and my other two friends helped in recording it. It was awesome :) Third day was with more friends and gala-gala lang yon sa SM. Chill lang, still fun though haha. Take note, my bestfriend was also present on those 3  days. XD

5. Meeting the most awesome person I have ever met (so far)

     Hahaha. He really is awesome. I have mentioned him somewhere in my blog… I think. XD Di ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa 2012 ko kung di ko siya nakilala at naging kaibigan :)

4. That moment with that person at number 5.

     Those moments pala dapat. Haha. To the future me who will read this, you know what those moments are :)

3. My 18^th birthday celebration.

     Awesome party with the most awesome people ever. :) Kahit may exam ako kinabukasan after non, gora laaaang! Haha.

2. Watched Hunger Games with a special person.

     Sobraaaang… uhm, kilig and happiness lang ang nafeel ko non :”> I really like him, and yon, again, to the future me who might read this, remember that moment and all the feelings please. :D Sobrang special lang nung moment na yon anddd. ermegerd. hihi

1. The Cab live at ATC!

     SEPT. 22, 2012. BEST. MOMENT. OF. MY. LIFE. The feeeels hahaha! It’s really great to see your favorite band playing your favorite songs. <3 Really. Perfect moment. I was with my close friend and we both enjoyed the show!!! :D

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And with that, I do want to thank God for all the wonderful things that happened to me this year, both the good and the bad ones. I know that by these experiences, I am becoming a better person and a person that I want to be. And also, I would like to thank my friends and family for being with me this year <3 Mga sponsors ng buhay ko. :) Hahaha. Hope to have a fun 2013. :D

january 4, 2012

I made this uhm... note(?) last January. Ang alam ko straight Tagalog ang ginamit ko non. Too emo to speak in English eh. Haha. I came across this tonight, I re-read it, and thought I should post this here. Masyadong emo eh, natutuwa ako. Hopefully, walang makakabasa neto na kakilala ko, at kung kilala niyo man ako personally, please lang, iwan niyo na lang dito ang nabasa niyo :D You're not supposed to find out about this in the first place. Haha.

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Ika-apat ng Enero, 2012

Hindi na ako parte ng mga plano mo. Unti-unti na akong umaalis sa buhay mo. Wala na rin akong magawa eh at nararamdaman ko namang ayaw mo na rin talaga. Bakit hindi ako gumawa ng paraan, dalawang taon na ang nakararaan? Bakit hinayaan ko na lang na umalis ka? Bakit hinayaan ko na lang mawala ang lahat kung alam ko namang mahal na mahal kita?

Ika-labinglima ng Nobyembre, 2009

Pwede naman ako bumalik kaagad sayo pero hindi ko magawa. Hindi ko magawa kasi natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na baka ipagtulakan mo lang ako palayo dahil sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman natin. Hindi naman natin kailangang putulin lahat, pwede pa sana natin ito maayos… Pero walang gumawa ng paraan.

Enero hanggang Agosto, 2010

Ilang buwan pagkatapos natin maghiwalay, muli tayong nagkausap at ayos na naman tayo. Alam kong mahal mo pa rin ako dahil sinabi mo rin ito at alam kong alam mo rin na mahal pa rin kita. At pakalipas pa ng ilang buwan, ganoon pa rin tayo. Normal na pakikitungo lang, pero alam mong meron pa rin talaga.

Nung mga panahong nagiging malapit na ulit tayo, akala ko may pag-asa pa ulit. Meron ngang pag-asa, pero wala na naman gumawa ng paraan. Hindi ko alam kung dala ba ito ng hiya o takot na masaktan lang ulit ang isa’t isa, pero hindi ba’t mas ayos na subukang gumawa ng paraan kaysa sa hinayaan na lang mawala ang pagkakataon at magsisi habangbuhay? Sayang. Sayang lang yung mga pagkakataong ‘yun.

Nobyembre, 2010

At isang taon makalipas ang paghihiwalay natin, nalaman ko na lang sa iba na may iba ka na raw gusto. Eh di syempre ako naman ‘tong si “sige, ayos lang yan J”. Tapos nakikita ko na lang sa Facebook na ayon, malapit kayong magkaibigan at magkabarkada pa. Mukha ka namang masaya kaya hinayaan ko na lang. Nagkukuwento ka nga tungkol doon eh, dahil pinupuwersa kitang magkwento. >:D

Disyembre 2010 hanggang Mayo 2011

Mas naging malapit pa nga tayo kung kailan wala na tayo. Parang mas nakilala pa kita. Kaya nga siguro madali tayong natibag, kasi wala tayong malakas na pundasyon. Bigla na lang kasi naging tayo nang hindi pa kita nakikilala ng lubusan. Walang pagkakaibigan na pundasyon yung relasyon natin, minadali kasing gawin.

Lumalabas na nga tayo eh, pag nagkakayayaan ang isa’t isa. Kung kailan wala na tayo saka natin nagawang mag-sine at kung anu-ano pa. Tinutulungan kita noon makapasok dito sa unibersidad, dahil alam kong gustong-gusto mo. At marami tayong napagsamahan noong mga panahong ‘yon. Natupad naman ang kagustuhan mong makapasok dito sa unibersidad, at pareho tayong nasiyahan dito.

Hunyo hanggang Oktubre, 2011

Ayun nga, lagi na kita nakikita dito sa campus. Isang buong sem ko sinusubukan ibalik ulit yung dati. Lagi tayo nagkikita kapag wala tayong klase at tatambay sa inyo o kaya sabay naghahapunan kasama ang iba nating mga kaibigan. At ako na naman itong si akala… akala ko may pag-asa na naman. Pero ngayon, ako na lang ata ang may gusto. At syempre, wala na talagang mangyayari kung ganoon nga lang ang sitwasyon.

Ikunukuntento ko na lang ang sarili ko sa ganoong sitwasyon, kahit papaano ay meron tayong koneksyon sa isa’t isa. Masaya naman ako doon. Pero hindi buong-buong masaya kasi alam kong hanggang doon na lang. Magkaibigan na lang talaga siguro tayo. Ayos na ako doon.

Nobyembre 2011 hanggang sa kasalukuyan, ika-apat ng Enero, 2012

Sinusubukan ko na umusad papalayo sa mga nararamdaman ko sa’yo. Ngunit humantong lang ako sa iba’t ibang kabalastugan. Kung anu-ano na ginagawa ko makalimutan ka lang. Bihira ka na lang din magparamdam at kung magkakausap man tayo, sasaglit lang. Nawala na naman yung pagiging malapit natin. Baka kasi masyado na akong abala sa pag-aaral ko at hindi lang talaga nagtutugma ang mga oras na walang klase ang isa’t isa. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit sa iba may oras ka, pero sa akin wala? Sila lagi mong nakakasama, pero ako hindi? May panahon ka sa babae na pinaghihinalaan kong gusto mo, pero sa akin wala? Yung babae na yon lagi mong nakakasama, pero ako hindi? Eh kung sapakin ko kaya sarili ko? Wala na naman kasi akong karapatan sa’yo at lalong wala akong karapatan na sabihin ‘yang mga bagay na ‘yan at magselos. Pero hindi ba’t basta may nararamdaman, may karapatan kang magselos? Pero hindi eh, hindi na ako makapalag sa mga nangyayaring ito.

Siguro nga hindi na ako parte ng mga plano mo. Unti-unti na lang ako aalis sa buhay mo. Wala na rin akong magawa at nararamdaman ko namang ayaw mo na rin talaga. Hahayaan na lang kita maging masaya, habang ako’y miserable pa rin. Hahayaan na lang kita maging masaya sa ibang tao, habang minamahal pa rin kita. Hindi ko alam kung paano at kailan ako makakaalis sa pagsisisi at panghihinayang ko dito. Iiyak na lang ako at yayakapin si Barney, ang baklang dinosaur.

9th of december

this is probably the first 9th of december that i am actually not depressed. those regrets and sadness failed to enter my thoughts and i am glad about it. for the last two years since the break-up, this is usually a gloomy day for me. i just find myself moping around, revisiting memories and bringing up those regrets. i cannot fully say that i am over him. one cannot unlove a person completely. as for me, there will always be a part of me that would care for him. but for now, i do not feel miserable about what could have been or the "what ifs" that could have happened. 

i guess acceptance is truly the key to let go of the misery that lives inside me. what he said to me a few weeks ago might have helped me realize this. and i also believe in God's perfect timing. i do not lose hope in the thought that someday, we could still be together. the past may not be the perfect time for us, yet the future may be. and if we really are meant for each other, we just have to trust God and let love find it's way back. understanding this made me think clearer and perhaps, shape me into becoming a better person. :)

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ps. i like typing in small caps. haha. it looks cute. maybe i should do this more often. 

11/15

We were lying in bed, facing each other, just sharing stories. Then, I whispered to him, "I miss you." He just looked at me, and I know that look; pitiful, hopeful, sad. He whispered something back. He whispered a lot of things that I wasn't able to catch all of it. He spoke, then, in his normal voice. He read to me some quote from his phone and said that someday, I would find the right guy for me, that I was pretty and good enough to find another man. He told me that yes, he do have regrets, but that was all in the past now. Then comes the awkward silence. He spoke again and said that there was one thing he wanted to do but he never got the chance to. I asked him what was it. I waited for his response, then he kissed me on the lips. It was short, around 2 seconds. But on that 2 seconds came the rush of emotions; happiness, nostalgia, but mostly, it was pain. This was the most painful kiss ever, emotionally speaking. After that brief kiss, I turned my back on him, trying not to cry, and he just hugged me from behind. 
Then, I woke up from this painful dream.